job searching

Ah, job searching. Am I immature enough to consider that looking for a job, simple to some, could be a strain, a burden to me? I should grow up, I say to myself. But how could I, when I, myself, is scared to face the world? I tend to think too much of negative things that turns into self-defeat, of lack of self esteem, and of confidence. I tend to shy away, to rather speak childish, fast, girlish, almost to a point of a nervous breakdown. After all, I am but inexperienced, a little child, of light weight, of young body and of conscious mind, perhaps overly conscious to some extent. How could someone like me push myself to the limit, to force myself to do all these things that I fear. Someday, yes someday, I will get there. But for now, a mere change of mindset matters greatly. Of me, thinking big, of me thinking as someone different, perhaps an overachiever, or someone, just someone built differently as me.

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I will start being serious with myself. This time, I will take my word for it. No more of those talking down myself, of making myself feel scared, intimidated. Nothing exists outside this world but a state of mind.